Signs you are spending time with a narcissist:

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  • In the beginning they are a breath of fresh air, nonconforming like you, free spirited, edgy
  • Can easily engage in hours of conversation, like you
  • Believe they too are an empath, just like you or at least sensitive
  • You feel like you are two peas in one pod, meant to be
  • Flattery and lots of it, at first that is until you disappoint, then the criticism and competition kicks in
  • They open up about their feelings of previous break ups or family pains/crisis but the stories are shallow or generalized, no real depth of emotion or detail is ever given
  • You think they trust and value you, your opinion, and want you to help them heal or become more aware
  • They repeat their stories often especially the hurting ones or the victim ones
  • You feel like your energy is off the charts emotionally and sexually even spiritually. You think you are in love almost instantaneously
  • You start to notice that they have many opposite sex friends, like too many. This is because they need daily affirmations to feel important by many people just to get through the day without feeling depressed or for maintaining denial
  • They have a lot of FB friends or other social media friends way more than someone could possibly know.
  • Subtly, they will talk about how much smarter or wiser they are than everyone else, including you. They come off as intellectuals or well versed, but slowly you will hear rude statements about others and put downs and cracks about culture, ethnicity, they are racist even if they won’t admit to it
  • They know what it is you really want to hear. If you feel like it is too good to be true, it is.
  • If you need affection, they’ll give a lot of it. If you need conversation, they will be experts until they decide to withhold. They love to withhold, this gives them pseudo control and they use it to confuse and break you down overtime. They want you to easily take blame for their stuff. They also stonewall and deflect.
  • The sex is really good too until it starts to feel like a performance.
  • They will start to contradict themselves. Do as I say, not as I do. They can pick on you but as soon as you reciprocate, their feelings get hurt or they have tantrums. The walls will come up and nothing can break them down.
  • When you confront them with something small or big, they will instantly get defensive and literally tell you that you are doing all the things to them, they are really doing to you. Projection- ist!
  • They will fight over NOTHING. When you have your first argument it is over nothing or they will say I don’t argue and shut down and put walls up that won’t come down until they want them too. Then out of no where they are friendly again.
  • They get loud and animated or completely quiet when confronted and immediately try to shut you down by ignoring you or withholding affection
  • Have a hard time with differing opinions, unless they are playing devil’s advocate- this is a tactic used to purposely knock you off intuitive balance.
  • They call you a liar, even though they know they are lying just to see if they can pull one over you. They demand you really don’t love them, but it is they who do not love you. They may ask frequently “Do you really love me?”
  • You feel sorry for them and wish you could help them change….only if they….
  • They will hang up on you, ignore you for periods of time, avoid your calls all because you didn’t see something from their perspective or you refuse to apologize for something you didn’t do
  • They don’t know how to just say, I’m sorry.
  • They have no grace, forgiveness or compassion for you or others, especially when it causes them to take a back seat
  • If you try to communicate in a healthy way, they will try to shame you. They cannot express their deep needs because they don’t have depth of insight or self-awareness. They are stuck in surface living.
  • Masters of acting! In time you will notice their reactions or actions are a little off from the normal standards
  • You will feel confused often and maybe not know why. Listen to that. It is your empath speaking. You will start to feel emotionally exhausted in their presence. They suck your life force
  • Everything is your fault….if only you did this instead of that things would be….Your intuition is saying something is wrong here, listen to it!
  • In a short time, you already have to defend your truth, if it doesn’t agree with theirs, and even still they won’t get it. They can never see their part in a conflict. NEVER.
  • They can be pushy with attention and time and clingy
  • You will start to hear how they wish they looked better…frequently asked if they look good… if the sex is good…if you are still attracted to them blah blah blah…
  • They are funny and at your expense, often
  • If you reciprocate, expect to feel confused and shamed. They can dish it, but not take it-even in the smallest amounts
  • If your feelings are hurt, they will tell you “to stop it,” “suck it up” or accuse you of being dramatic or overbearing if you respond in kind, you are evil!
  • You feel emotionally heavy or confused in their presence with bouts of euphoria. This is not healthy.
  • As a Christian, they love the old testament but rarely read the new testament b/c it is too ishy and squishy or can’t even understand the premise behind it
  • They come off as being judgmental one minute and a defender of truth the next
  • Masters of contradiction
  • Have or had many relationship troubles with parents, siblings friends, ex’s
  • They do not have a problem talking badly about their past relationships, parents or siblings they do this to get you to feel sorry for them. Secretly they also do this a a way to show how they make others pay for refusing them.
  • You will notice they blame a lot of people for a lot of things in their life
  • They want to know a lot about you so when you least expect it, they will throw it back in your face when you are most vulnerable
  • They are seductive and know how to make the right moves. They may even come across as wanting to wait to have your first kiss.
  • They don’t last long with outspoken women. We scare the crap out of them.
  • If you are able to defend your truth, they will dump you over the dumbest most ridiculous things
  • If you are a healthy person they will exit your life fairly quickly anything from 1-3 weeks.
  • They cannot have a normal discussion nor are the able to agree to disagree, you will be accused of fighting or arguing just because…
  • They are incapable of taking real responsibility or admitting fault in anything. They look confused when requested to take ownership.
  • They are typically serial daters, go through many relationships quickly, had multiple marriages and/or consider themselves self-proclaimed loners and/or chronic cheaters
  • Success is everything to them but they are never satisfied and they like to talk about their accolades often
  • They are liars! If it seems too good to be true, it is! They all lie and think they can get away with it.narcissus
  • They typically engage in gambling, too much drinking, smoking, partying at old ages, and although they profess to not being addicted they look at it as “occasionally” engaging in destructive behavior. Typically narcissist feels guilty for the way they think or the way they treat people, for a second. And it is in these times, their pseudo addictions surface; it helps keep them in DENIAL! They love denial. Deep down they feel shame and lack a true identity. These are expert mask wearers! They can’t feel deeply, they don’t know how.
  • Remember none of this is your fault. You can’t change them or even help them because they truly believe they are normal and you are the problem. They really believe this.
  • They will actually look perplexed or offended if you call them out on something.
  • Despite your expertise, they know more, always.
  • They like to question your expertise, credentials etc…They know more than everyone else about everything, especially you.
  • They don’t love you! They don’t know what love is.
  • Don’t take it personal. It is not your fault. They are emotional vampires.
  • They are cheaters! They always have a harem in the waiting. Always!

Written By Amy Casale Choisser 2015 from personal and professional experience


 

Additional Links to help you move forward from the most agonizing relationship you have been in: 

http://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2014/08/5-sneaky-things-narcissists-do-to-take-advantage-of-you/

http://http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/dating-a-narcissist

http://esteemology.com/ending-a-relationship-with-a-narcissist-the-art-of-detachment/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-freedom/201506/4-steps-leave-narcissist

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